Friday, September 30, 2005

bertie bott's every flavored beans

This post is generally about Harry Potter BS, so read on if you embrace my absolute nerdiness.

So, my brother went to Target to pick up the last roll of my Mexico pictures (which turned out really well!) and some hair spray for my mom and some other things. As we went to find the hairspray, we walked by the end of the candy aisle, and low-and-behold, it was Harry Potter candy. Of course, there were the Bertie Botts flavored beans, which have already been in existence, but also the new additions of Chocolate frogs (that come with collector cards) and Fizzing Whizbees (that don't come with any collector cards). While these were each very overpriced, we were excited (and had a $10 gift card to help justify spending over the limit). I used a lot of parenthetical phrases in this paragraph.

So, here is my review and rating of said candies:

1. Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.
While these are really just Jelly Belly's, I've always thought they were cool because there are some nasty flavors included in the bags. However, it would be cooler if they didn't have the guides included, so that you didn't know what flavor youw ere getting, much like in the movie. Also, far from having every flavor, there are only twenty flavors, but I'll forgive for that because the world is not really magic. My brother and I sat here tonight and tried out many of the nasty beans.

The first one I was given was Soap. Now, soap is not the nastiest thing in the world, so I thought it would be OK. I was wrong. The Soap was like this overly sweet bean that had an awful aftertaste that didn't leave my mouth. I imagine that's what anti-freeze tastes like, but it probably is what soap tastes like, so it was accurate. The next delicious jelly bean was Bacon. It tasted like Bacon, but since it was in the form of a jelly bean, it made me want to throw up. This was probably the most disgusting of all because bacon candy is a nasty idea. Next, I tried Black Pepper, which was actually the best out of the three when I put it in my mouth. However, after I chewed it up and swallowed it, it burned my nostrils as if I had actually just eaten real pepper. It was ingenious if not disgusting. At this point, I instated the rules of having chaser jelly beans. After eating a nasty one, I got to eat a good one so that it would balance. After my tasty one, I decided to try Grass. It really tasted like grass and was somewhat sweet, like grass. However, it reminded me exactly of the perfume by the same title that the Gap used to sell, so it made me somewhat sick. At this point, my mouth was
a mix of pepper, roasted marshmallow and grass, which did not bode well, so I decided a Booger jelly bean would even it out, which it did. Booger flavored beans really taste like snot, which I can deal with because I currently have a nasty cold. I decided to stop here because I figured tomorrow would be a lovely day for the taste of Dirt, Earthworm, Rotten Egg and Vomit. The Bertie Bott's Beans are still cool as hell, and I think there should be more odd (nasty and good) flavors.

2. Fizzing Whizbees
These are just overpriced PopRocks. While they were sweeter, there was nothing remarkable about them. They came in two packets of three flavors. I don't think I would get them again.

3. Chocolate Frogs
These are definitely overpriced because you only get two frogs in the package, but they look really cool and taste really good. Also, you get three collector Harry Potter cards. We got Dumbledore (woo!), Prof. Flitwick, and Gwenog Jones (of the Holyhead Harpies fame, which is an all-women Quidditch team, according to the card). I would definitely buy these again for the cards and because they don't taste like crap.

Alright, you've now gotten the low-down on all the Harry Potter candy. In conclusion, yay for every-flavor beans and chocolate frogs...boo for fizzing whizzbees.

Now, if only they could make real Drooble's Chewing Gum (the kind that leaves bubbles floating on the ceiling for a few days). Actually, i think you can get chocolate cockraoches (not real ones) in Britain, but we're not that lucky yet.

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